She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
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Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
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then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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