she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
