Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
