i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
