He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
vagina is talking i cant
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
