I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
