Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
