I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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