I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he was CRYING into my vagina
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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