Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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