Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I want a musical about memes.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
