My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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