It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
