we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
