i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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