Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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