If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
