sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want