I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
These 17 People Made Horrible Decisions That Ruined Their Lives
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."