Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
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bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
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Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
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