omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
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