I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
