i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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