Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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