you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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