I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
