just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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