capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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