yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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