his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
