he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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