They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
