AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
