she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
