I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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