WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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