Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
