Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
