I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
