How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
