moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
