i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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