Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
