Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
