Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
