Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
