i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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