please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
