you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
