I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
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