can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Acid is not a monday night drug
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
