Non-Jews are for practice
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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