You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
