im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
