a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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