if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
