sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
