She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
