after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
