I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
