They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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