fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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