1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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