now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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