this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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