why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
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He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
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I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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