I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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