Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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