I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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