This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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